Dear donor family,

 

I want to take this opportunity to express my unending gratitude to you for restoring in me a sense of hope. After my own emotional journey of infertility, I am afraid I lost that emotion. Hope felt like a foreign concept after getting the news I was no longer able to have a genetic child of my own. A deep sadness took over, one I had yet to feel in my lifetime. The months following the news felt like an eternity and then a girlfriend of mine who had gone through her own infertility struggles mentioned embryo donation. This was life-changing and, oddly, felt like it had been my path all along. I don’t know how to describe the feeling exactly but deciding to move forward felt so natural and obvious and, after my first consult with Alena, I felt like I was somehow “home.” My dreams of having a child, of being a mother, resumed. It does not go unnoticed that this must have been a very emotional decision for you to make and I want you to know that I do not take it for granted. Grateful doesn’t seem like a powerful enough word to express what I feel but I want to thank you for your strength, grace, and courage.

 

I, myself, believe I carry those same traits. I started out as a shy child, scared to order pizza over the phone, to an adult who embodies an unwavering inner strength, a strong resolve, and a resiliency that I am extremely proud of. I am not afraid to take risks, I have faith that things happen for a reason, even if not always clear to us at the moment, and I find joy in all things, from the smallest experience to the biggest adventure. If you were to ask my family and friends, they would say I am smart, fun-loving, and brave. I am extremely sensitive and empathetic – both a strength and a weakness. I feel so deeply for others and their own experiences it can alter how I too am feeling. On the other hand, this sensitivity makes me relatable, a good listener, and a strong support system for those who need it. I have built my career and life around being extremely creative and passionate. I enjoy traveling and hiking and I always have a camera in hand. I grew up an athlete. In my spare time, I enjoy camping, and bowling, and can often be found on the golf course. I love the ocean and embrace winter. Laughter is always present. I am introverted by nature and draw my energy from within, but my profession has made me unexpectedly outgoing. I am very loyal to my close-knit circle of friends and above all things I value my family. They are my world.

 

I grew up in a small family, 12 of us including extended family, a long line of farmers and educators, full of beautiful traditions with an emphasis on quality time spent together. My parents (and my grandparents) are a shining example of unconditional love, both towards each other and for my sister and me. They were outwardly affectionate towards us and made it very clear, both verbally and with actions, that we were loved and that they were proud of us. They never missed a sporting event, they showed enthusiasm for all our ventures, and they taught us that you could achieve your goals with hard work and dedication. My parents believed we could be anything we wanted to be and were there to support us every step of the way. They had reasonably high expectations for us and yet we never felt pressured by them to meet them. We just did. They instilled in us a desire to be educated and to succeed but, at the same time, they always encouraged us to dream. When I turned 17 my parents sent me with a troupe to Europe; two weeks and 5 countries. They wanted my sister and me to recognize that the world was much bigger than the small town we were growing up in. They wanted us to have unique experiences outside the traditional adolescent experience. For me personally, it sparked a lifetime of curiosity, an adventurous nature, and a desire to always be learning new things. I find today that I am most inspired by new-to-me foods, cultures, art, and music.

 

My sister and I were born two years and four days apart. When I turned 30, we decided to start celebrating our birthdays together by taking a trip somewhere around the country or the world. Our relationship is the most special one in my life and our shared experiences are priceless. She is smart as a whip, a successful entrepreneur, and my go-to when I need to laugh until my stomach hurts or to “ugly cry” when I am sad. She is a safe place to share my thoughts and feelings without judgment or criticism yet she is quick to put me in place when necessary. We learn and grow together and from each other. Our relationship was not always this way. In high school, it was challenging being the older sister. She was always around, a somewhat annoying, loud, extroverted little shadow. In many ways we are opposites. The minute I left for college; however, I knew I had taken our sisterly bond for granted and I spent a good many years making up for it. We have come a long way since then. She is my best friend.

 

My sister and her husband recently had a baby girl of their own. My parents’ first grandchild. She has made our lives immeasurably richer. I won’t go into too much detail here as I told many of these stories in the questionnaire I filled out for Alena but I do want to say that we are extremely excited to be building new family traditions for her. My sister and I have this dream of raising our children together, living in the same city, and continuing to set the example of a close-knit sibling-like friendship and the true meaning of family. If anything were to happen to me, she and her husband would not hesitate to raise and support my child. They are wonderful parents, much like my own, and I trust them with my whole being.

 

I mentioned above that my sister is an entrepreneur. She is not the only one. I too am an entrepreneur. I have had a long-standing career running a six-figure business of my own. I went to a private art college and shortly after opened a professional photography studio working in both the commercial and wedding industries. I am most passionate about the latter. As a child, my aunt would buy wedding magazines that I would peruse through most earnestly. It was only natural then as an adult that I found a way to marry my passion for weddings and photography. Nearly every weekend for 18 years now from the months of April to November I am surrounded by uninhibited joyfulness, excitement, and love. I feel so blessed to be the one capturing such special memories for families all over the country. With photography it isn’t just about recording the vows two people make to each other it is also about capturing all the small moments happening between guests. The mother who tears up, the grandparents on the dance floor, the laughter shared during speeches. It is such a rewarding profession and has given me such freedom to prioritize self-care, develop a strong work-life balance, and to give me a regular creative outlet. Running this company has been the gift of a lifetime so far.

 

Recently I have also returned to school. I am currently a student working towards a bachelor of science in diagnostic medical sonography with a specialty in adult and pediatric echocardiography. What a mouthful - and quite a long way from an art school degree. During the pandemic and lockdown, I was living on an island by myself, just getting out of a 10-year relationship, and turning 40. My business was shut down for a year. It seemed like a perfect time to take a leap of faith and begin a second career. I was inspired by all the healthcare workers during that time and felt a strong calling to add to my professional experience. I wanted to help others more deeply, give back to my community, and find greater purpose. I flipped my life inside out and upside down, and moved across the country back to my hometown where, after 10 years, I am minutes from my family once again. This change is a decision I do not regret. While there have been many moments in my life where I felt it was the right time to have a child, this feels like the most perfect. It feels like it was meant to be now more than ever. I am grateful to have the resources and stability to raise a child and I am at a place and time where I have a strong support system surrounding me. I have a community of the people I love most in the world ready to help guide me; to assist me in what it takes to be the parent I know I can be.

 

My best friend from grade school, my oldest friend, is currently the most amazing parent I know and an unbelievable and inspiring role model to me. She has three beautiful young ladies who have been an enormous part of my life for the last 17 years. When they were little I would take them first day of school outfit shopping, they would decorate my Christmas tree every year, and drink cocoa that we would sprinkle with gold glitter. We always do a goofy, over-the-top, photograph of us all every time I see them, piggyback rides, smushing our faces together, so many more. On occasion, we drive around the neighborhood in circles, windows down, blaring 80s music, and singing at the top of our lungs. I make sure to attend their sporting events cheering at their successes and secretly sneering at the refs when they make a bad call. We have slumber parties every other month, play games, sing and dance to Broadway musicals, trail walks surrounded by beautiful fall leaves, run through sprinklers, and once they traveled across the country to hike with me through a national park. They call me their second mom. They make me exponentially a better person and I would put my life on the line for them, and honestly for their mom too. There is a bond there I can’t describe. So much joy and laughter. I feel so lucky to have them in my life.

 

I am not delusional. I know that parenting will be the hardest and most demanding thing I will ever face. Despite all my life experience, my confidence, and my successes, I will not know what to do at every given moment, that being a single mother by choice will come with many additional challenges, and that I will be facing uncertainty and doubt on many occasions. I know parenthood will be humbling and scary. But I also know, beyond a doubt, that I am as prepared as I can be and more than ready to be a mother. I can promise you I will strive to be the best version of myself every second of every day for this child. To set the same strong examples that the generations before me have done. To cultivate an inspiring and optimistic environment. To show unconditional love, support, patience, encouragement, and affirmation. Not to be without discipline, when necessary, but to show empathy and compassion through it all. To help the development of a sense of humor. To nurture their desires and console them through life’s disappointments. Together we will work to have a joy-filled and adventurous life. We will try to not take any moment for granted and we will embrace new experiences and people with open hearts and minds. I will celebrate his/her accomplishments and be there for every milestone – first steps, first day of school, first job, etc. I promise to learn and grow alongside him/her. To prioritize quality time. I will cherish every hug, all the smiles, and their happiness will be my happiness. To say I would be the most blessed person in the world to have a child sounds cliché but deep down I know this to be true.

 

Warmly,