June 4th marks the day we started dating 12 years ago, to my husband’s delight this is also the day we got married, several years later, (meaning he only had 1 date to remember), this will be our 7 year wedding anniversary.  Needless to say, we have gone through a journey together in those 12 years.  You could say we were high school sweethearts, though we didn’t go to the same high school, we met through mutual friends 12 years ago.  We even went to prom together.  He was there the day I was inducted into the National Honors Society, the day I graduated High School, the day I graduated college Summa Cum Laude, the day I got my first job as a special education teacher, the day we got our first house together, the day we found out we were infertile, the day we got pregnant, the day we found out our twin daughters had Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, the day our daughters died in our arms, today while we write this letter together hoping and dreaming for a brighter tomorrow, and everyday in between.

As I am sure you can relate, infertility is a nightmare.  It puts any relationship through the ringer, I can honestly say we are stronger together through this journey, though extremely heart broken.  My husband found out he was infertile about 5 years into our relationship.  We started our journey to grow our family with IUI, we did 4 rounds of IUI.  After 4 failed IUIs our doctor recommended IVF.  We did 1 round of IVF, we had 3 mature eggs, 2 made it to embryos.  We were so excited to get the phone call saying we had 2 embryos.  They went for genetic testing, then we got the crushing phone call saying both embryos were abnormal and we could not continue with the frozen embryo transfer.  We met with the doctor and he said that my eggs were abnormal, meaning with my husband’s infertility and now my infertility we could not have a baby that was biologically ours.  That was okay with us, we felt like it must be “meant to be” since we were both infertile, that must mean we were supposed to give life to someone else’s embryo.  The next step was embryo donation/adoption.  We got an embryo from our local clinic, we did the frozen embryo transfer and I was pregnant! A few weeks later we discovered that the embryo had split and we now had identical twins! We couldn’t believe the blessing we were given to go through all this to now have 2 babies.  Everything was looking amazing, the girls were growing well, we had named them, had our baby shower, we got to 22 weeks and found out they had Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome.  We were scheduled to go see a specialist, the day before the appointment my water broke.  Our 22 week old twins were born, their esophagus’ were too small to intubate and an hour later they passed away in our arms.  That was a year ago on May 25th.  After waiting almost a year, we are ready to try again. We still hope to one day help a family to bring one of their miracles into the world to join our family.

Enough of the sad, you want to know about us! We are an “opposites attract” type of couple.  My husband loves music, video games, camping, and baseball.  I love reading, teaching, animals, and camping.  At least we have 1 thing in common! We love to go visit historical sites and museums.  My father owns his own automotive repair shop, it is a real family business.  The entire family is there pretty much all the time.  I work there on the summers when I am not teaching, my husband is there most days, my brother works there when he has time, and my parents are always there running the ship.  Cars are such a huge part of my life.  I helped my dad rebuild my first transmission at 7 years old.  He is the type of father who wants to make sure I have all the knowledge in the world. I have been by his side working on cars for as long as I can remember.  My husband is a mechanic as well.  When the family is not working at the shop, we are always together.  I have a huge family on my side, my mom, dad and brother are extremely close, we generally see each other at least 3 times a week.  My husband and I go to dinner with my grandparents every Friday and we eat dinner with his grandmother every Wednesday.  I grew up very close to my 2 older cousins, we were more like sisters than cousins.  They both have 4 children of their own.  I am also extremely close with my aunt, sadly her wife recently passed away.  We are also close with my mother in law, my husband doesn’t have any siblings.  We get together as one big family, from both my side and my husband's side, on all the holidays.  Every year my husband’s grandmother sings Christmas Carols at her church and for 11 years we have gone to watch her sing. Our favorite tradition is to take a picture together by the Christmas Tree and look at how we have changed over the years.

We have three small dogs, they LOVE attention, people and to play fetch.  They would be so excited to have a child in the house.  While it is just the 2 of us living in our house, it is never just us, there is always someone else in the family there.  We all live very close by.  We own our home and the 2 acres it sits on.  Once our family begins to grow, we have plans to tear down our current house (it is a great house, though a little old and outdated) to build a home that will be perfect for our family. We love the location where we live, in the country but close to all the necessary stores.  Close enough to work to not have to drive too long, but not so close that I see my students out in public! We live 2 doors down from my husband’s grandmother, 5 minutes from his mother and 10 minutes from my grandparents and 15 minutes from my parents and brother.

I also want to tell you a little bit about my husband and his journey.  He is a gentle giant, my “teddy bear.”  Honestly he is the emotional one in the relationship (I am the one who calculates everything and thinks things through 100 times over), he is unbelievably thoughtful and caring.  He is the type to remember me saying in passing that I like something and then will show up with it the next day. He has the memory of an elephant!  He thinks of everyone before himself.  He has a degenerative eye disease that has been slowly taking his vision.  He is legally blind, but perfectly abled.  As a middle school special education teacher myself, we have learned how to navigate the world of blindness together.  He still has partial vision and is able to work at the family business most days.  As he was a mechanic before losing his vision he lost his job, no one wants a mechanic that can’t drive.  Lucky for us, my dad lets him join him at the shop helping with making tickets, scheduling customers, ordering parts, etc.  My husband is very capable, please don’t think that his disability would impact his ability to be a father, if anything it would allow our child to grow up knowing that you can overcome anything.  As a teacher I work during school days, we hope to one day have our child go to school where I teach.  Before they get to school, my mother is chomping at the bits to babysit everyday.  Due to my husband’s flexible schedule he will be able to be home with the child and my mom as well at any time.  I will have summers off for us to spend everyday together going on adventures.  Through my studies I know all the early childhood research and am so excited to teach my own child reading, writing, math and all about the world.

Thank you so much for learning about our family and considering us.  You are amazing people helping other families like ours.  We are so glad you have made it through your journey to this point and we hope you are living the dream. IVF is extremely difficult and we am sure the choice you are making right now is also difficult.  We admire your strength.

-C and N