Prospective donor family,

 

I grew up in a small town of 550 people in the Midwest. My childhood was filled with family dinners, camping, sports, and most importantly, love. Of course, it wasn’t perfect, as nothing is, but I never wanted for anything. My parents always encouraged me to try new things and supported me through the many mistakes I made while growing and learning. I have an older brother, and although we weren’t always best friends growing up, the older we got, the closer and closer we became.

 

I was an active child, trying sports like gymnastics, golf, and volleyball. Out of all the things I tried, hockey and dance followed me through my childhood and teenage years. Even to this day, skating makes me feel free, and you can often find me dancing in my kitchen. I spent time with my family when I wasn’t participating in extracurricular activities. I was incredibly fortunate to have my entire family living within 20 minutes of me, so I saw them often. My grandparents owned a dairy farm, which provided so much exploration and adventure in my childhood. One of my favorite memories is all the cousins in the fields piling on toboggans, flying down the snowy hills, tracking snow into the farmhouse, and waiting for grandma’s cookies and fresh milk.

 

Even though we are separated by physical distance, the relationship with my family is incredibly important, and I take time to stay involved and connected. My brother lives 10 minutes from our parents, so I am often called into conversations weekly. I have two nieces and a nephew, and I have a special relationship with each of them. I am always present for the significant events in my loved ones' lives, but I also make sure I’m present for the small things, or even when nothing is happening. I strive to be there for them as they are for me.

 

I have always been very independent and desired to explore after graduating. I moved to the West Coast in my 20s, determined to make it independently and discover myself. My grandmother and mother graciously road-tripped out to my new “home,” terrified of the world swallowing me whole. The first few years were filled with anxiety and excitement, new friends, a new job, and many new possibilities. It wasn’t always easy, but it has helped shape me into the woman I am today. I have been here for 17 years, living in a city suburb, and have built a beautiful community around me.

 

From a young age, I always knew that caring for people was a purpose I was passionate about. While I worked through college and into my 20s, I was a nanny, working for three families, each with a set of twins. I remain close with each family, watching these children grow into amazing young men and women. I then transitioned into my career as a registered nurse and have worked nearly my entire career in Oncology. I love my job and feel fortunate to provide comfort and care to patients and their families during such a scary and complex diagnosis. For 7 years, I administered chemotherapy to patients, caring for them physically, and it was the foundation of my career. I have been fortunate to step away from physical patient care and remain an RN case manager in oncology. I am still able to connect with patients and provide a different type of care that has been equally rewarding. This change has afforded me a work-life balance I am blessed to have now, working primarily from home.

 

When I am not working, I love to be in nature. I have a smaller dog, Olive, who loves to be my hiking companion and is up for everything outside. For the first year of her life, I had her in a private family daycare, and she grew up with their two small children. Because of this, she is drawn to all children and is very gentle and loving towards them. I also like to be creative in my spare time. I press flowers, dabble with photography, I am working on my green thumb, and enjoy baking sweet treats. I strive to create a healthy balance in my life of self-care and am conscious of filling my cup so I can care for others.

 

My fertility journey is unfortunately all too familiar to so many who desire a family. I am 41 years old, and the one thing I have always been confident in is that I am meant to be a mother. So in 2022, I decided to embark on my journey to becoming a mother by pursuing IUI. All of my testing checked out, so I never expected that my journey to motherhood would be filled with so many medical procedures, hope, tears, sadness, and joy.

 

I completed my first IUI cycle in June 2022 and was full of hope, but it wasn’t successful, and that was my first moment of disappointment and sadness. Until then, hope and joy fueled me, and I couldn’t see anything but a baby at the end of it. I continued to try each month, each time filled with hope, as I sat and waited in the lobby of my OB-GYN for my donor sample to be ready for my procedure. Finally, on my seventh round of IUI, I had a positive pregnancy test, and I have never been happier in my life.

 

I found out I was pregnant on January 10, 2023. I can still remember my feelings as I looked at those two lines and cried because my dream of motherhood was finally happening. Since I was over 35, I was at high risk, which meant testing for abnormal chromosomes and more ultrasounds. Week 10 came, and all my blood tests returned and looked great. I was having a baby boy and couldn’t be more thrilled. I had ultrasounds at 6, 10, and 16 weeks, and he was growing perfectly every time. My family and best friend hosted a baby shower for me during my trip to see them. It was such an amazing celebration and a memory I hold so dear in my heart.

The week I returned home, my anatomy scan was scheduled. I only really remember that morning clearly. I picked out a new pair of overalls from my closet because I thought pregnant women looked so cute in them. I did my hair and makeup to FaceTime my best friend and family afterward and share his glamour shots. The day started amazingly and ended with devastation. I knew something was wrong when the ultrasound tech said, “I’ll be right back, I just need to go and see the doctor.” I was instantly sick, and the next thing I knew, my doctor was in the ultrasound room telling me that she needed to do the ultrasound herself because something was wrong with my precious son.

 

I found out that day that my son had not developed kidneys and therefore was not producing any amniotic fluid. His heart developed normally, but was enlarged, and she said he was likely experiencing active heart failure. He was very sick, and his condition was terminal. He would not survive, and no one could tell me why this was happening. I was devastated, to say the least, and everything went fuzzy around me. I couldn’t focus on anything and couldn’t process anything I was being told. I said goodbye to my son on June 1, 2023, when he was 22 weeks' gestation. It was the most painful day of my life.

 

My community of family, friends, and coworkers lifted me up and took care of me during the most vulnerable time in my life. My parents were present with me for weeks after, taking care of me every minute while I was in an emotional ICU of sorts. My friends made meals and reached out, not expecting a response but always offering their support and love. There were flowers, a comfort basket, or food on my doorstep daily for weeks on end. My coworkers all contributed to giving me a beautiful self-care basket and notes of love.

 

I took time to heal and process the tremendous loss of my son. After a lot of work, I was in a space where I was ready to try to conceive again. I was back on the roller coaster of IUI and two-week waits. I tried 6 more IUI cycles with no success, and my OB recommended I look into IVF. I completed a lot of research, chose a clinic and provider, and was off on my next step in my journey. After many months of paperwork and tests, I had completed everything and was ready for my first retrieval.

 

I was very optimistic, and so was my doctor. I had 20 follicles and got 16 eggs from my retrieval, where four embryos made it to the genetic testing. Then I got the phone call. All of my embryos had abnormalities. I was devastated again. Again, there were no answers. There was no pattern, and my tests always returned normal. I decided after speaking with my doctor that I would try another retrieval. The second one, they retrieved 18 eggs, with four embryos making it to the genetic testing phase. And then the call came. One of my embryos was normal. I was ecstatic.

 

The prep and medications started again, and I was incredibly hopeful that this was it. I had my transfer and went into another 2-week wait full of hope. Unfortunately, my transfer did not take, which was so painful and disappointing. I knew that the chances of my eggs being of poor quality were high with the history of my retrievals, but I still desire to be a mother of a living child. My doctor and I discussed embryo donation, and I thought it was an amazingly selfless act for a family to contribute to another family's dream of having children.

 

I have always known that I would travel down every avenue I could to become a mother. Even though my fertility journey has had heartache and sadness, the overarching feeling has always been hope. Each and every time I have been in for fertility treatments, I sit in the waiting room bursting with hope. I have never doubted my decision to keep going, and as long as I am filled with hope and excitement about being a mother, I know I am continuing on the true and right path for myself.

 

Being a mother of a living child will be the most challenging, joyous, and meaningful chapter of my life. With my family and friends' support, I am confident that my children will be surrounded with love, for they are all eager to provide the village it takes to raise a child. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your consideration, and I cannot express my profound gratitude for choosing to donate your embryos. If you choose me, I promise my children will always be cared for and loved unconditionally.

 

With gratitude and love,