October 25, 2024

Dear Genetic Family,

As I sit down to pen this letter, I hardly know where to begin. I want to start by expressing sincere gratitude for your consideration of me. Without your willingness to open your heart and mind to the possibility of this gift, I would not experience motherhood or have a family of my own. I profoundly recognize your trust and flexibility. I believe in the importance of always acknowledging and honoring your child’s origins so they know their history and how much they were loved by their genetic family so they could have an opportunity at life. I never knew this would be a possibility until people said the right things to me in the right order at the right time, which caused the world of embryo adoption to burst open in front of me like double doors.

I am a 34-year-old female. I had traditional expectations for my life growing up including marriage after college and children. As happens with life, it didn’t pan out as expected and I never reached those milestones. I’ve always known I was meant to be a mom. In 2020 I found out that I have the BRCA2 gene mutation, increasing my risk of having breast or ovarian cancer. My team of doctors is wonderfully flexible with me, and they agreed to do preventative surgeries later, as long as I was committed to screenings every six months. The preventative surgeries will take my chances of cancer to an insignificant amount, and these should happen “when you’re 40 or have completed childbearing, whichever comes first.” The six-month scans would catch any concerns very early, and thus far there have been no indications of cancer detected. It is amazing that the doctors can detect this gene mutation so I can be so closely monitored, and any suspicion of cancer can be addressed very early in its development! However, it is no longer in keeping with this timeline to passively wait for life to happen, instead, I knew I had to take steps to achieve my goals of motherhood. At first, I wasn’t sure what that looked like, but now I do.

One of my close coworkers would always say “I was an IVF baby!” as her fun fact during meetings, and my best friend and her husband are on a journey with infertility and IVF. My mother completed a compliance survey on an embryology laboratory and she was able to watch the embryologist in action. She told me about her observations very excitedly and suggested I consider freezing my eggs or research what my options are. We’re amazed at scientific advancements in recent years. These are the experiences that first introduced me to the world of IVF. I embraced it as a beautiful method that results in wonderful people who contribute positively to the world. I’ve watched G and JR as they’ve navigated all the hills and valleys of the process. They were able to have four embryos and have gone through one failed transfer. They had to pause their process temporarily while the politicians fought and argued. They waited with bated breath while the Southern Baptist Convention made their decision to support IVF over the summer. G and JR are where I first heard about embryo adoption. She said immediately she would be willing to adopt her remaining embryos to a family, and it took him more time to have peace with the idea. The SBC said they support IVF when paired with embryo adoption. A stranger in a Walgreens struck up a conversation with me and asked if I had children and I told her, “I never had a chance. It just never happened for me.” She replied, “Honey, if you want it, you can do it. People are single moms all the time, not by choice. You’ll find a way.” I mulled that over for a few weeks until I was at dinner with my mother, splitting a hamburger. We were discussing G and JR’s IFV process and I said something about embryo adoption- she hadn’t heard of it. I said, “I’d do it. I believe they’re little people with unique DNA that already exist in this world who are just waiting for their time to be born. A sperm donor feels wrong, but embryo adoption feels right. It doesn’t feel self-serving, it feels like God’s plan.” I didn’t realize that was where I had landed until I said it out loud. At first, her face was surprised, but then peaceful and she understood what I was saying. I prayed and realized this path had been paved for me, this was always the plan, and I just hadn’t caught up. Everyone I spoke to has been supportive and encouraging. God is the one who breathes life into people, and successful FETs will be miracles by his grace and in fulfillment of his plan for me, you, and his children whom we both care so deeply about protecting during their time on this earth.

I am a Christian, and I have been all my life. I committed to following Jesus with intentionality when I was eleven years old. My mother was raised Baptist, and this is my family’s religious leanings, but we are active in a non-denominational church that is committed to biblical teachings and discipleship. I attend church and spend time in prayer with God and his word daily. I have accepted that I am a broken and flawed person in a fallen world, but by God’s grace and mercy this life is temporary, and I am on the path to salvation. It is my greatest honor and mission to bring people with me, including the children that you are considering entrusting to my care. I believe in the importance of being of service to others. It is a remarkable design of how being of service strengthens the good within you. Being of service extends into all facets of my life. I believe in the power of relationships and value the importance of having authentic connections with people who are uplifting, supportive, and have your best interest at heart, wanting nothing for you but joy, peace, and success. I believe in kindness and love and recognize that love does not equate to universal acceptance. We are all imperfect and make misguided decisions, and through the power of relationships and involvement with the church we have a network of people that will help us if we begin to wander astray.

Politically, I vote Republican. I am conservative and believe in a small, centralized government. I recognize neither political party is fully aligned with biblical teachings, which is where our focus and heart should lie. I want people to turn to the church when they fall on hard times so the church can support them paired with guidance and counseling to help them overcome and rectify the circumstances causing the hardship. The church is where I think social programs should lie because it’s paired with relationships and accountability. Using the church as a source of support instead of the government will help people to grow and change in necessary ways so they maintain personal responsibility and can in turn help others. I believe free will is one of the greatest gifts God gave us. Because we have free will, we can make choices with intentionality, and we can work to change our circumstances at any time. Through the embodiment of free will, our actions and decisions are much more authentic and profound. I value preparation. When a person is prepared, they have opened themselves to all possibilities so they can make the wisest decision. Thoughtful preparation has a particularly profound impact on your financial security, dietary habits to promote a healthy life, and extracurricular plans to have intentional hobbies that support cognitive enhancement. I want to raise children to be autonomous adults who can set and achieve goals to work toward the life they envision for themselves. I value gratitude and positive thinking. Our brains are hardwired with a negativity bias, but leaning into this tendency does not support a life of peace. Consciously engaging in gratitude and thinking positively is a learned skill that one can acquire through effort and practice. My values are in service of a happy, productive, and intentional life, and this is the model I want to be for my children.

I am a friendly and helpful person who values connections with others, always eager to lend a hand or offer support. My reliability is a cornerstone of my character, ensuring that those around me can count on me in any situation. With a strong logical mindset, I approach challenges thoughtfully and intelligently, making well-informed decisions. I am dedicated to my goals and passionate about my pursuits, taking pride in being meticulous in my efforts to achieve excellence. I thrive in environments where collaboration and understanding are key, and I look forward to sharing my positive qualities with a family. My hobbies include very domestic activities. I love sewing, especially quilting. I love giving handmade things to people as gifts. I love to cook meals at home, and I am constantly listening to audiobooks. My favorite genre is historical fiction. I'm an extremely friendly introvert, which seems like a contradiction and many people don't classify me as introverted. Someone told me once that extroverts recharge when they're with people, and introverts recharge when they're alone. I think it's important to have a balance between social time and self-time.

I love celebrating holidays and my family has many cherished traditions. My time as a teacher of young children solidified the importance of decorations, special meals and snacks, and holiday-themed activities to bring profound joy to all seasons. I've described some of the holiday traditions in other sections of this profile, so I'll briefly refer to our Easter tradition of attending the church service, an extended family gathering/meal, and an egg hunt for the children. On the fourth of July, we go to our family's lakehouse and enjoy good food with aunts, uncles, and cousins. We have fun on the jetskis and pontoon boat and enjoy the fireworks display at night. All of our holiday traditions are centered around the enjoyment of family and an opportunity to be together and have fun making memories.

My job has had a profoundly positive impact on my potential as a parent. I've been in education for 13 years. I've been a Pre-K teacher, a 2nd grade teacher, and most recently the Pre-K instructional coach for our county. I'm highly trained in developmentally appropriate practice and social-emotional development. I've volunteered with Conscious Discipline for nine years, and have become proficient at teaching children skills to support self-regulation and resiliency. In my work, I support teachers, families, and students across the county with trauma-informed practices and strategies when challenging behaviors arise. Due to my experiences in my career, I am strongly convicted against excessive screen time for young children and believe in their engagement in hands-on, brain-building activities and interactions. One of my primary responsibilities in my current role is to help adults learn to support children as they develop their executive skills. I can see from working with teachers and families, that parenting is a worthwhile challenge and everyone can use help and advice from members of their village. I know that when I'm parenting, I'll reach out to the members of the network I've built to help and advise me when I need support.

I envision raising two daughters. I'm being intentional about daughters. While I feel like I can provide a wonderful home for children of either gender, being a single mom by choice, I think I would be best able to model a healthy lifestyle for girls. I am flexible on the number of children, depending on the circumstances. At every point in the process, I will have the children's best interests at heart and will remain flexible.

Despite coming from a small family, my social support system is strong. The children would have close relationships with their grandparents and their godparents. Since we all live in the same neighborhood, I anticipate these relationships occurring in person almost daily. Their godparents will be first-time parents around the same time, so our children will be close in age. This family will feel like an aunt, uncle, and cousins. I've made numerous connections with people at church and colleagues at work that extend past the workplace. The children will have many people in their corner. Upon hearing about the idea of embryo adoption and being a single mom by choice, several people have said wonderfully supportive things such as, "I will be like the other grandmother! Where can I apply to be an auntie?? You can do this, and I would love to help in any way you'll let me. I call dibs on the baby shower!" My church has an especially well-designed developmentally appropriate children and student ministry. My extended family is close, and even though people have grown up and started families of their own, we still gather at major holidays, and then intermediately between holidays to celebrate each other's life events. These gatherings are always surrounded by food, fun, love, and usually a traditional game of Pictionary! I have an active social life including impromptu pool parties among my friends with their children, sewing circle, groups of friends who attend musicals/plays together, and many dinners to engage in times of fellowship and connection. The people who make up these gatherings are fluid, and they're all entering the stage of life where they're having children as well. I know these friends along with all my family and new school friends we will meet along the way will weave a very authentic, supportive, and loving social network for the children.

It's hard to put my dreams for the children into writing. I'm especially excited about sharing all the memories and traditions with them, and I could list these things out one by one. Many things I'm excited about are things I experienced and turned into fond childhood memories of my own, like decorating my mother's lab coat for a contest during LabWeek, taking piano and violin lessons, waking up to evidence Santa had been in the house and had a snack with his reindeer, vacations to all of our favorite spots, fostering kittens for the humane society, and having picnics at the zoo with my father. Young children are my wheelhouse, so I imagine what I will do, say, and sing with them daily. Because of my work in my career, I'm preparing for the difficult times with the children too. I'm confident I will be able to help the girls navigate conflict, guide them as they turn into autonomous problem-solvers, and help them find their assertive voice so they grow into strong and confident women. When a challenge arises, I have a huge network of coaches and colleagues ready to help me brainstorm a plan to help the girls on the continued path to success. I'm excited to have middle schoolers learning to change classes, trying new things, and growing in responsibility. I look forward to high schoolers who form friend groups and follow their passions. I would love for those friend groups to hang out in my living room and let me feed them so they can just focus on their memories and fellowship. I'm excited to watch them choose their college or career path and find themselves in the process. It boils down to a matter of being excited to share life with the children. I live my day-to-day life right now with the idea in the front of my mind, "What would this look like with the girls?" and I'm longing for that day to come.

The logistical plans for the children must be more methodical as a single woman, but as someone pointed out: “People are usually thrust into single parenthood because something went unexpectantly wrong, and they have no plan. You’re going into this planning and preparing, and while it will be hard, you’ve got a large supportive network and lots of knowledge about children and how to ensure they have a healthy childhood.” This same friend is in education and uses a home-based daycare in our town. I strongly value her opinions. My main question to her was, “Are they kind? Do they align with our values?” She said they are older ladies running a small operation, extremely kind, and very developmentally appropriate. They’re used to working with teachers, so their hours align with the school system’s hours nicely. She told me they have openings now, and they’d be very welcoming for me to tour their facilities. I have not arranged this appointment yet, but plan to when this dream becomes more concrete. As my children reach school age, my retired father is willing and excited to handle carpool at both ends of the day. My mother is looking to partially retire so she’d work a week or two out of the month and be home as a doting grandmother for the rest. We live in the same neighborhood. I’ll be with the children during the summer months. Eventually, in my career, I would like to move to administration, which would be a 12-month position, but at this time I am focused on the idea of raising a family and having especially enjoyable summers packed with vacations and activities together. I am financially prepared for all of the added expenses of children, including starting their education savings accounts immediately, and will be able to provide them with a comfortable, quality, and joyful start to life.

I’m grateful to you for your consideration. I want to express how genuinely honored I am that you considered me as a potential mother for your children. The opportunity to nurture and guide them is a privilege I do not take lightly. I am committed to providing a loving, stable, and enriching environment where they can thrive and grow and achieve the life plan laid before them. Thank you for this chance.

Sincerely,

LM